crap. i feel like CRAP.

Woah man, it’s been so long since i’ve blogged, about a year ago actually (: I kinda forgot bout this blogging business. Well, i finished some bio for today, read repro in humans and the cell division thig, how interesting, as marc would say haha. Especially since it’s his favourite topic on repro heh. Oh yeah, youth rally tomo in church, bet it’s gonna be a blast okay so remember, lyrics and shirt, lyrics and shirt, lyrics and shirt…HAHA

School was alright today, kinda tiring as usual though. And somehow, I feel as though I haven’t been a good enough sister to jie. Man, i’ve been so caught up in work work work and studies that i just forgot bout the people closest to me. I don’t wanna lose any of them, especially anna and kt, so i guess i gotta shape up and start being someone they can rely on.

I realised that one of the hardest things is dealing with people with different personalities from yours, and trying to get them to do things your way. At first, it’d get frustrating, sorta like “dammit why’re they like THAT”. But today I understood that people aren’t all the same. Like they always say, it takes all types to make a world. I’m sorry jie, for trying to force things outta you. Just know that I’m always here for you no matter what.

Work, stress, school. Ah I guess it’s all part and parcel of growing up. Just…I hope i dont get too many grey hairs at the end of this year, gotta look pretty for prom haha joking. But how I’m gonna find a dress that fits me’s the problem heh.

Well i gotta go bathe now, its 12plus 0.0

Gosh just got back home. Today was a long day. Woke up kinda early for tuition. Did all my hcl homework yay Haha my voice sounded weird on the recording Nevermind at least i finished my work After tuition went skating then went back to westmall to buy my bread and meiji milk hahaha. Havent drank meiji in SUPER long Yups then after that, went east coast park for marc’s class bbq thing but we didnt really stay long. And afteeeerr thattttt, (wow my recounting sucks heh), the night seemed much more enchanting and beautiful (: The night was really special, think i’ll always remember tonight.

Actually feeling kinda bad now. Is it wrong to be doing this? Am i hurting others by doing this? I know its fine and all but I know in the end, i have to choose. And in the process, i’ll hurt others even more. Man I really wish I cld just come to my senses.

Match tmr! We’re gonna have friendly against some school that’s coming. YAY all the sec threes’ll get to play together again Cant wait man! But im gonna have to wae up earlier tmr to eat my nutella if i wanna reach school n time haha. NEvermind, ANYTHING’s possible for a nutella breakfast hahaha (:

Wow i realised i havent posted for a long long time haha. Yeah well things’ve been crazy lately. Tests, homework, basketball. Been reeaally busy and stressed. But anyway, I’ve finally had my rest this weekend (: Though i think im mental, studying’s become something i have to do at night i think. Now i feel kinda empty and guilty not studying this weekend. Crazy haha.

Today was special (: I dunno, these days I’ve been so busy I havent had time to go out and play ball with jie so it felt good to play ball with ze and khoon today (: Plus I was really happy from the time I woke up all the way to now. Heh dunno why im feeling this way, lets just say what i felt last year’s coming back (: Rather shocking at first but now im not gonna think too much and just live in the present. Anyway, i love my church and cathecism class haha. It’s become fun-ner in sec 3 (: Well gotta go now i guess, gonna wash up then sleep Need to start my revision tmr again, KAMBATE

Now that it’s all said and done,
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I’m putting my heart back together,
‘Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you

WE WON 3 on 3 ON SUNDAY YIPEE Haha okay that’s rather outdated but it’s nicer to start a post with happy news heh. Mmm miss vera toh seems to be missing me mwahaha. *grins* Hope you guys enjoyed watching the toy show thing.

Yup well i’ll be going to cruise later. Cruise to nowhere, kinda useless actually. I dont wanna go to cruise ): But maybe its better than studying at home or smth. Yeah and training today was alright. Did a lot of one on one then played 5 on 5. Think teo’s right, i am lousy. Eh nevermind i shall change that. It’s not as if i wont be able to improve or anything (: Haha after training went to serene with nazi ze and anna to meet lisa and yao. I forgot we were supposed to discuss the basketball stuff haha.  So when anna took out her notebook and pen and announced that it was time for work, i was all “huh?” heh. Well guess we covered most of the stuff though lots of things havent been confirmed yet. These few days i think i’ve thought about many things especially about well friendship and all. Guess i cant do anything but that’s okay (:

Anyway gina’s going to crescent. Actually hoped she’d make it to sc but apparently, she couldnt get in Ah all the best anyway yeah (: You’ll do fine you smartt girl heh. Went to some church bbq last night and saw chris. Gosh it was so surprising. But thought the bbq was pretty boring though. And there wasnt a court in the condo. Only outside or smth. At least the food was fine Haha na it was quite good actually.

Christmas’s coming (: I havent started doing the cards yet cause i’ve been so busy and all. I really should have proper time management. Yet im kinda happy cause i managed to complete my lit homework heh. Hopefully i’ll be able to bind the book by next friday (: I can’t wait for the bbq on the 1st of jan. We donated our 500 dollars prize money all to the bbq heh. At least we got food republic vouchers. Haha alright this’s kinda long. Gonna end here. Well g’bye (:

Yay today’s the start of basketball camp! Gonna head off to school in about half an hour’s time. Was actually supposed to wake up at around ummmmmm NOW but I woke up at 5.15 instead and couldnt get back to sleep heh. Anyway I can’t wait for camp! And the match today. I’m gonna have to bring eggs and soft drinks for sabo hahaha. Yup so the past two nights’ve been totally weird. I kept dreaming of the same thing over and over -.- No wonder I can’t get back to sleep. Maybe if you think too much about someone, you’ll start dreaming of that person? Haha okay think there’s no logic.

Anyway was looking through blogs and found this song, it’s really sweet (:

Not a day goes by that I don’t need you in my life
Was it something that I did, tell me why
And I can’t get pass the pain to your love is just a memory
Gradually, you slip away And all I can say is stay

Can somebody please, stop this hurt inside
Although, your love for me has changed
After all the pain you’ve cost I still can’t get you outta my mind
No matter what you say I can’t let go…

As time goes by, will our memories fade
Tell me how can you go on after all that we’ve been through
I don’t wanna go on without you in my life
Because in my heart I still believe that you…
Will come back to me

I’m begging you please…
Stop this hurt inside although your love for me has changed
After all the pain you’ve cost I still can’t get you outta my mind
No matter what you say I can’t let go…

As time goes by, will our memories fade
Tell me how can you go on after all that we’ve been through
I don’t wanna go on without you in my life
Because in my heart I still believe that you

Do I ever cross your mind
Did you even stop to cry?
In my heart you’ll always stay,
Don’t let us slip away
Though I’ve tried I can’t let go you’re still the one for me
We can work it out in your love I still believe
You are the one

As time goes by won’t let our memories fade
Tell me how can you go on after all that we’ve been thru
I won’t let you go on without me in your life
Because in my heart we’re meant to be in love
As Time Goes By

I don’t really know how to express this but ohman, I miss you so much Van. I know we’ve both been caught up in our own stuff, especially me with my basketball. But I don’t know why, everytime I talk to you, it cheers me up loads and lifts my spirits. I just feel so refreshed and we can talk so easily, even if we haven’t talked for months. I guess your a different sort of friend, special and just magnificent. I gotta admit, I was feeling really down just now. But when you called me and after we talked, I felt much much better. I don’t know why but I just did. Something about you always cheers me up (: I’m gonna miss you so so much. I guess this came a bit late but really, you’re a great friend and don’t worry about vjc, you’ll be just fine. I’ll be supporting you all the way. It’ll hurt after our 8 years of being in the same school and being friends (remember the days in tap dance and that time I thought I broke my spine?) but I promise I’ll try my best not to let our friendship grow weak. We’ll be able to stay best friends, I know it (: We’ve done it and we’ll continue doing it yeah. Love you loads van! (:

And this post’s also gonna be for jie (: Jie you know I cant continue to sms you at night cause of my bill but know that I’m always thinking of you yeah (: Don’t ever give up! I can’t say I understand how you feel cooped up in there with someone like that but just know I’ll be behind you always. I miss you loads, especially in basketball. I miss your laughter, your comfort, your jokes. And how you always supported me no matter what. And I miss my “partner in crime”. You cheer up yeah. We’ll be here always and jia you! I love you jie!<3

I miss my two special friends.

Today’s a saturday! Lalalala cartoon day hahaha. Actually missed most of the morning’s cartoons cause of tuition but ah wells heh. Watching teenage mutant ninga turtles (there’s no other show to watch) and they’re stuffing popcorn into each other’s faces :p damn amusing man. I remember I used to like the orange one, dont know why either, and jie jie samantha would ask why and i’d say “cause he’s ORANGE!” Hahaha I was such a weirdo man.

Yup training yesterday felt different without teo training us. He’s just so damn retarded. There’s a big bruise now just above my right ankle cause he flung a ball unto my leg on purpose -.- Well we did some kinda fast break cut thing and loads of other stuff that made me ze and yao quite confused cause we havent trained with them for pretty long. But I think we got it in the end We played 5 on 5 after the drills. It was damn depressing I’m gonna go play ball and try to improve by myself now. Maybe ze’ll come on tue to play with me at summerhill :p I know she wants to see err those people but it’d be so awkward if I see them again haha. And I shall go play ball on sun before the party downstairs. I know what ze means about itching to play ball. I’m itching to play ball too! And I shall scratch that itch! Haha.

Anyway tonight you shall tell me another story yeah? Teddy and the beanstalk :p Well gonna go out soon. I wanna watch game plan poooooooo heh. And I still think bee movie’s really really funny haha. Went out with yao, ze and some of the sec ones to watch and andrea and ze spilt milo into their bags cause we were trying to hide our food. Andrea’s bag looked like there was a brown river flowing in it hahahaha. Hope your crumpler’s okay tigger! Mm gonna go off now

They say what breaks you, makes you. Sounds kinda harsh actually, but I guess that’s the truth. I’ll be lying if I say I’m happy I met all those obstacles, met all those people. But they’ve taught me lessons and I guess that’s the way to grow up. How hard it is to let go of the past. There’re so many times I wished fervently to turn back time, do things differently. Sounds cliche I know, but that’s how it is. My life’s full of “what ifs”. And all those possibilities happen in my dream and there, I live in my own enchanted world where things go smoothly, everyone’s happy and laughing and there’s no sadness. Yet when I wake up, the dream’s shattered and I realise the people’re still the same, my life’s still the same. I’m not bleating out complaints, I know I’m really lucky to have everything I have. It’s just, if I weren’t so foolish, I wouldnt have done things I shouldn’t have done. And yeah, that’s another “what if” again.

My memories seemed to be grouped into many catogaries. Recent memories, old memories, happy memories, sad ones and the list goes on. As I think back, I realise I have “what ifs” in all of them. And in the more painful ones, “what if” becomes “I should have”. Yet I didn’t and now I’m regretting. People say to live life without any regrets. Do things you wanna do. But what if you do things that you wanted to do and you regret doing them?Ah this’s getting rather upsetting. I shouldnt think too much.

The past’s the past and it’s filled with lessons and people that’ve taught me many things. The most painful ones are the most significant ones. I’m not happy I’ve gone through them yet I’m happy they’ve taught me something. A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. Got that off the toilet wall in school and it makes sense (: Yucks all this sounds so sad-ish. Well I’m gonna watch my show now heh.